What is Divorce Mediation?

My current favorite way to describe divorce mediation is to compare it with a New York City taxi. 

(image courtesy of wikimedia commons)

Imagine that the road  to divorce is like getting from one side of New York City (married) to the other side of New York City (divorced).  You’re not sure how to get there, so you need some help from someone who does. 

One effective way to get there would be to hire a Sherman Tank and a contingent of marines to guide your way.   You would get from one side of the city to the other.  Along the way, it would be very expensive, it might require a lot of armor that you don’t really need, and there might be some collateral damage.  Indeed, the marines or the driver of the tank might say and do some things, or take some actions, that you didn’t really want them to take.  But you would live with it, pay the price, and you would end up divorced. 

In my mind, this is the equivalent of a typical, litigated divorce.  Unless you think consciously and choose a different action, this is the default mode.   You go see a lawyer (tank driver), they put you in the tank and they begin the process by filing court papers (engage the tank).   Not too many people are actually thrilled with this process.  Just ask some of your friends who have been divorced.   

Well, now there’s an alternative.  Maybe what you really need is not a tank, but a taxi!  You could hire a taxi driver who knows the back roads, the obstacles, how to avoid traffic jams.  You could still reach your objective, with a lot less cost, less collateral damage, and with matters more in your own control.  Could it even be possible for you and your spouse to share a taxi?

The taxi is not the right choice for everyone.  No doubt about it, if the “other side” is adversarial – if they want to go to battle with you  and fight against you – then you will need that tank (the protection and guidance of a formalized litigation process).  And sometimes you will also need the marines as well (forensic accountants, guardians ad litem, court reporters, paralegals, private detectives, etc.).   

But what if the “other side” is not interested in fighting against you?  What if both of you want to get to the same place? 

If you encounter a roadblock, perhaps the two of you could go together to hire someone to address that roadblock (a neutral forensic accountant, a neutral child psychologist, a neutral appraiser, etc.).   With a mediator acting as your guide, the “taxi ride” to divorce is streamlined and cost effective.  

Divorce mediation is not for everyone, however.  It requires that both parties (1) be committed to principles of fairness, (2) voluntarily produce full financial disclosure, (3) agree to utilize outside experts such as attorneys, accountants, counselors, if that expertise is needed.

In return, the non-adversarial process can save thousands of dollars, produce a fair divorce agreement, and enable parties to maintain dignity, control, and privacy in their personal family decisions.  

Would you like to learn more about mediation?  Feel free to explore the web site for my professional practice, Just Mediation.   There are resources on that site not just for divorce mediation, but also to explore collaborative divorce, elder law, elder mediation, principles of Christian conflict transformation, and mediation resources generally. 

The initial meeting at Just Mediation is a screening process as well as an information session.  The fee for the initial consultation is $160.  At that time, options will be discussed and expectations will be explained.   If you are both fully committed to fairness to each other, and if you can communicate well enough to meet at the same time with a mediator, chances are excellent that your divorce, no matter how complex, can be mediated.  To schedule, call 803-414-0185 for an appointment.

 

 

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