I went to court today in an attorney role, to help a couple finalize a divorce that had been mediated by someone else. After the hearing, they went to lunch together.
LUNCH, TOGETHER?
Under what circumstances in an adversarial divorce, WOULD THAT EVER HAPPEN?
Here’s to
A HAPPIER ENDING
In my collaborative/mediated divorce practice, this was the normal course of events. At the end of our sessions, the newly separated husband and wife would often hug each other and express thanks and appreciation. In one case, the husband put his arms around his wife and kissed the top of her head, tenderly. They thanked each other for choosing a non-adversarial divorce and wished each other well. These two are now in other relationships and are friendly co-parents who will dance at their children's weddings.
ReplyDeleteWhy would anyone choose the adversarial, court battle model of divorce?
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Well, since the time I posted this, I was in a mediation room after signing separation papers with a couple for whom I had been the divorce mediator. The couple had reached a settlement that, while quite complex, seemed relatively amicable, seemed fair, and seemed to be about as good as it gets especially when considering how challenging it would have been to reach a similar settlement in an adversarial context. After papers were signed, I remarked that it seemed like a good time for a toast. The wife looked at me very somberly and said, "I don't see much to celebrate." I "get" her sentiment. Divorce is a very hard thing to go through. It is not an ideal any of us have when we sign on the dotted line and say "I do." Yet, the process of mediation can be much better than the alternative. As a divorce mediator, I cannot always "fix" things. My goal, therefore, is to make things better. If mediation is not "better" than the alternative, then it's time to quit and go to those alternatives. This does happen sometimes. But for most people, if they are willing to be fair and seek to find solutions that meet the needs of both, it's a pretty good alternative.
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